I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
