He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
