His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
pop tarts are not kleenex
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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