i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
