I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
nutella sex= disaster
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
