My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
