Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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