I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I did not marry a roomba.
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