My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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