But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
