I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Two words: blizzard sex
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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