I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
