i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
