absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
