margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
