FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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