I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
