we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I could fuck to npr.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
