Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
