Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
