I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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