You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
