I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
