its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
