Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
