grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
