Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
