woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
