Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
