he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
