so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
