...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
