Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
