wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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