Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
