My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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