How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize