ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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