just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
