that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize