i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
