hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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