I just threw up on my dentist
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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