he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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