when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
