girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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