They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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