I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
