i think my mom watched the whole time
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
