The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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