i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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