I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
