why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
