K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
