do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
