i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Randomize
