I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
