Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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