Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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