just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
