I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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