I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
