yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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