Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
