I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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