Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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