we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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