Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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