things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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