Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
