Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
