I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
