The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
