how can u be prego again
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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