I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize