I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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