you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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