i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
