i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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