haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
