Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
