we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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