he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
