i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
