No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
