i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
