you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
