I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
