half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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