Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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