so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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