Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
