the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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