I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i believe in u and ur pee
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
