I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
