Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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