They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
