careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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