nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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