no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
