Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
