i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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