Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
