It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
